Let It Go…

Few years back, I met this very lovely girl at my workplace. I had never worked with her before, but got introduced to her through some of my common friends. When I met her for the first time, she came across to be a very gentle, kind and warm person. I came away from my first meeting with her feeling absolutely positive. We continued to keep in touch with each other and slowly became good friends. A few months later, I got to know that her mother passed away. 

When I reached out to her to convey my condolences, she revealed to me that her relationship with her mother was extremely strained and bitter. In fact, she had a huge argument with her mother the same night that she passed away. As always, they both said really nasty things to each other, picked up on hurtful memories from the past, blamed each other for everything that hadn’t gone well in their lives, cursed, sweared and went to bed sobbing their hearts out. The next morning, her mother never woke up. All of a sudden, my friend realised that all the tension between her and her mother had suddenly come to an abrupt end. She realised that all the anger, pain, hurt and animosity that she was harbouring for so many years, were of no use to her anymore. After all, the only reason she retained so much of negativity towards her mother was because she wanted to remind her mother (everyday), about everything that she didn’t do right for her daughter. She felt her mother had at some point of time in life disappointed her, let her down and in many ways ruined her future. She felt that she was literally punishing her mother by not letting her own wounds (from a not so great past), heal. 

After having a very long conversation over the phone with her that day, I was about to hang up, feeling rather numb about everything I had just heard. Even before I could tell her that I would call her later, she realised that I had consumed more than I could handle and said, “I think you should hang up now. I can understand what you must be feeling after listening to everything I’ve just told you. But before u leave, I just want to share one last thing with you. Today, after my mom has passed on to a better world, I truly regret everything I did to her while she was alive. Today I feel that the number of mistakes I made while trying to remind my mother of her own shortcomings (while raising me), were much more grave than anything that my mother ever did to me . I feel that the negative emotions locked inside me made me intentionally hurt my mother, for mistakes that she probably never intended making in the first place. Maybe she was helpless. Maybe she tried changing things but failed at doing so, every single time. I wish, I gave her the benefit of the doubt while she was alive. I wish, I had let go of all the negativity inside me and moved forward positively with my mom”. With that, she hung up. I haven’t been able to speak to her after that episode. She doesn’t answer her phone most of the times and messages me very occasionally. Obviously, her mother’s passing away has changed her for ever. I can only hope that the change is for the better.

Initially, I impulsively reacted to all that I had heard from my friend and attempted judging her and labelling her in a negative way. However, on giving it more thought I soon realised that what had happened to my friend could have also happened to me. It could have happened to a number of people around me, simply because, many of us struggle with forgiving people who hurt us. Many of us have the tendency to lock in hurt, pain, anger and animosity inside us, as a response to some difficult situations that we may face in life. Many of us struggle with letting go of all the baggage from the past to make way for a better tomorrow. The only difference between a number of us and my friend was that in her case, unfortunately, the bitterness was pertaining to her mother, while for most of us it could have been a friend, a member of the extended family or even someone at work. In a nutshell, many of us are on some level, struggling to forgive that one person who has hurt us, betrayed us, let us down, insulted us or even misbehaved with us at some point in time in life. Am I right?

Personally, for a very long time, I was not able to “forgive and forget” very easily too. I started off at a point when I did not even consider forgiving someone as an option, to a point when I have now realised that forgiveness is the only way out. It is the one and only option available, to free myself from all the baggage from the past. I have realised that by locking in anger, hurt and pain within me I will only be allowing that one person/ event to impact me negatively, in a manner that is significantly bigger than what was originally intended. I have genuinely started believing that it does not make sense for me to give so much power to one negative event or one person’s negative behaviour, that it starts affecting my own personality and vibes. I am learning to forgive, for my own peace of mind. I am learning to “Let it Go”, for my own well- being and that of those who love me.

Besides, coming to think of it, isn’t it only human to err? I mean I have made a number of mistakes in life which on so many occasions, has upset my loved ones. In so many instances, I have regretted speaking harshly to someone close to me. A number of times, I find myself having melt downs and doing things purely in a fit of rage. Doesn’t this happen to many of us? Don’t we all make mistakes, some small, some big? Don’t we all seek forgiveness and wish that no one holds our mistakes against us in the future? Don’t we all hope to be given the benefit of doubt? Don’t we all, deserve a second chance? 

Well, I am very clear on my way forward. I know that it’s not going to be possible for me to move ahead in life, with all the baggage from the past. I know that if I choose to lock in negative feelings in my heart, It’s going to become impossible for me to see and appreciate all the positive things around me. I am going to consistently try to “forgive and forget”. I am going to continue making an effort to just “let it all go”.